Surprises About the New iPhone

From the crazy folks at Cap’n Wacky:

Users required to use AT&T for phone service, iTunes for music downloads, Fantastic Sam’s for haircuts, and Jimmy Toledo’s House of Hats for headwear.

Advanced speech recognition software detects users talking about repulsive medical conditions on a crowded bus and delivers a powerful shock.

Disobeys the first rule of robotics.

Takes not only photographs, but also x-rays and limited-field MRI.

During outgoing calls it records samples of your voice, and after approximately 15 minutes has enough vocabulary to convincingly converse with your Aunt Shirley without your actual participation.

Can (and will) disable all SideKicks within a 200-foot radius.

When you ask “iPhone, iPhone, in my hand, who’s the fairest in the land?” phone calculates your BMI and replies “Not you.”

When two iPhones are placed in a ring, they will fight to the death. Victorious iPhone absorbs address book and MP3 library of losing iPhone.

Despite depiction in commercials and ads, iPhone is really just a phone duct-taped to an iPod.

Pressing ‘Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, A, B, Start’ at menu level will grant unlimited text messages.

Will, in fact, walk your dog, clean the house and balance your checkbook, but it won’t do a very good job of any of these things.

It knows kung fu.

Comes equipped with new ‘iSmell’ technology, allowing iPhone to smell like selected object. However, the only smells currently uploaded for selection are ‘cabbage’ and ‘Carol Channing’.

It will not, in fact, cure cancer.

Can play songs without even having a tape in it! What will they think of next?